How Do You Explain?

Last week, Toronto police Sgt. Ryan Russell was killed while in the line of duty.

Everyone’s death makes me sad as I think about the loss of life and hope the person who died did so instantly, without suffering or the realization that death was coming.

And then I feel awful for the person’s family. And in the case of Russell, my sadness extends particularly to his wife and their two-year-old son.

According to media reports, the little boy turned to his mother at his father’s funeral and asked ‘Where is Daddy?’

What do you say to a two-year-old about that? Does a child at that age know what death means? How can you ensure he knows Daddy didn’t leave him on purpose, that what his Daddy wanted to do most was come home, scoop up his little guy and hold him tightly? How can you make a little boy who is missing his Daddy understand his Daddy loves him and he wasn’t abandoned.

I have found since becoming a mom myself that I feel this type of pain more acutely.

My condolences to the Russell family

It Seems Cold

This morning on the radio there was a story about the latest hurricane to strike the Caribbean nation of St. Lucia. At the end, the broadcaster informs us of one American tourist who is reported missing and presumed dead.

Next story.

In fairness, it’s radio. It’s also Canadian radio so why do we care about this faceless American whose family is likely in a panic wondering about their whereabouts of their daughter, mother, sister, niece or aunt.

But the same thing happens in local traffic reports.

Someone is dead due to an accident on Hwy. 401, which means traffic is stopped and won’t improve until long after the rush hour.

How rude of that person to get into a car accident, die and inconvenience the rest of us trying to get to work that day.

I realize it’s the traffic report and that is why people are listening, but it often doesn’t become news either.

And to me, it just seems cold.

Someone is dead. Dozens of other people will no longer be the same and we glazed over the end of their story for headaches about our morning commute.

It just seems cold.

One Of These Days…

Does anyone know if action dreams, or sleepwalking, can kill you?

I am sure one of these days my heart is going to give out after a night of action in my sleep.

Last night, I woke up screaming with my husband yelling at me to stop. I was dreaming Cosmo our kitten was pulled up to ceiling by his string toy and wrapped around the ceiling fan, which we do not have. I also lost our son and suspected he was up there, too.

Thankful, the baby was in bed and the kitten was lying calmly beside me.
The husband, not so much.

Not only was he extremely displeased I woke him up again, but I think he was embarrassed and kept checking the window and muttering ‘people will think I am murdering you in here.’

My heart was beating so fast and my body was trembling. It took a good 10 minutes before my heart returned to normal speed.

While camping with my mom, sister-in-law and niece, I had another action dream, this one seeing me push hard on the light above my head.

I dreamed someone was trying to get to my family through the light and I was pushing them back in the light.

I was thankful my mom woke me up because I think if she waited much longer I might have broken the light. Again, my heart was racing in fear.

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger but I am wonder how many years my poor heart can handle this kind of drama.