Even My Two Year Old Doesn’t Think I am Funny

The other day on our way home, I was telling my son a story, which ended with ‘wasn’t that funny.’

He looked at me and screamed, “Mommy, I am not laughing with you.”
Oh.

And then he said it again: “Mommy, I am not laughing with you.”

Are you laughing at me? I asked him.

“Mommy, I am not laughing at you.”

Well that is a relief.

Other funny things this week:

• When my son was yelling about something else, I told him not to scream at me. The next time he was yelling, he told me “Mommy, I am not yelling at you.” He was yelling at the iPod, apparently for not working right.

• His new thing is to tell me what to say so he can respond the way he wants. So he tells me, “Mommy, say, ‘Spiders are yucky, E’.” So I say it. Then he responds with “No, spiders good. They eat squitoes.”
It’s nice to know that while my son doesn’t think I am funny, he is at least listening to me.

• “Mommy, you ran over my foot.” Yes, I did run over my son’s foot with his own high chair, why do you ask? I felt so badly particularly since he looked like he wanted to cry but was trying to be brave.

• “Mommy, what did you call me?” I had called him Baby. “I am not baby. I am big boy.” True. How sad.

• “Mommy, you can’t have bubble gum, you’re big. I’m little. I like bubble gum.”

• I had the flu this week and my little one was a good nurse. He was eating porridge and he said to me “Mommy, you eat breakfast to make your tummy feel better.” I passed. Later, he insisted raw mushrooms, gross at any time, would make me feel better. “Choo, choo, Mommy. Eat it. It will make tummy feel better. Eat it. Eat it.” He didn’t believe me when I pretended to take a bite. I can’t fool this little guy.

Pee, Pee, Everywhere Pee

We started potty training our guy Sunday. We bought Kushies training pants, the reusable variety of Pull-ups.

Past readers of this blog knows my guy drinks a lot so therefore he pees a lot, too. For us, this means we spent a lot of time asking and taking him to the potty. For the record, he goes each time he sits down.

So far he hasn’t had any accidents but that may be because I take him every 15 minutes or so and I can only assume the daycare provider does so as well.

The daycare provider must have one of those freestanding potties. Prior to real potty training, my guy would prefer (thankfully) to go on the one that fits on our toilet.

But since Sunday, he requests the freestanding variety.

After he finishes peeing, he loves to empty the contents into the big toilet and flush.

Before heading off to the library yesterday afternoon, I asked my guy if he had to go. He said no, so I suggested we go together – E on the freestanding potty and me on the normal one. He finished first.

I think you know where this is heading because I saw it coming but didn’t react fast enough.

My guy stood up, grabbed the potty and dumped the contents all over me. I was covered in pee – a lot of pee.

‘Sorry, Mommy,’ he told me. ‘I clean you.’ And he did. He took toilet paper and wiped it off my wet jeans. I cleaned up the rest and changed before we went out.

‘You Stay Here, Mommy’

He’s two and a half and already he wants to go off by himself.

My guy insists he can do it ‘by self’, wander away and not get into trouble.

But as he wandered all the way over to the next street, up two giant hills and into two deep puddles, he must excuse me for not believing him.

Lion is Crying. He misses Nana.

My son’s imagination is fantastic. It’s amazing how he has taken what he sees on TV and brings it into his play.

Caillou, Rosie and Sarah, Dora and Diego have all eaten dinner at our house, gone on car rides, had their bums changed and cried and been comforted by my guy.

Right now, E is finds it hysterical when I discipline Lion who apparently bites a lot. Lion has had timeouts and has been banished from whatever room we are playing in.

Lion often feels so badly he got in trouble that he cries.

Last night while in the bath, my guy said Lion was crying. When I asked why, he told me Lion misses Nana. So after explaining to Lion we would see Nana on Sunday and that was five days away, Lion stopped crying and started biting.

When asked, E said he, too, missed Nana.

Other cute kid speak:
‘But I have to’ when you say no to chocolate cake for dinner; to adding more soap to the sink; to opening and pouring water everywhere.
‘Say yes to me, Mommy.’
‘Don’t pull me.’
‘A little bit more’ complete with finger to face showing me just a little bit more.
‘Just one, Caillou. Just one,’ which leads to maybe one more and then another.
‘Cosmo didn’t attack me. Just a little bit.’
‘I took Cosmo’s toys’ with hysterical laughing. Poor Cosmo.
No wonder he attacked. Just a little bit.

Friday Fragments

It was an awful drive in this morning. I am going to blame it on an accident that happened further down the highway rather than the few snowflakes that were falling.

But it’s Friday and it’s the weekend and we don’t have much planned. I am hoping for a whole lot of sleep seeing how mine has been disturbed nightly this week.

I am hoping good night sleep all weekend long coupled by some afternoon naps. Who doesn’t love a good two-hour nap in the afternoon?

This week, my guy has started uttering a couple of phrases that make me laugh, usually out loud.

“Daddy says yes to me.”

This means my guy is saying his Daddy says it’s OK to play with razors, eat chocolate for breakfast, watch TV and a bunch of other things that I can’t prove because Daddy, conveniently, isn’t there.

“I’m busy. Five minutes.” This is good for anything from avoiding a diaper change to coming for dinner. This one might be my favourite.

Happy weekend, everyone.

Kid Talk

I didn’t want to be one of those people who talk about every thing her child has ever said or done.

Instead I became one of those people who talk about her cat.

Realizing this, I now I try to talk about neither.

Because while people often ask about the babe, when I begin to chat about what he did or said, their eyes start to glaze over so I know they really aren’t that interested.

Thankfully, most people like to talk about themselves so it’s easy to steer the conversation in a direction they are interested in.